i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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