D3 body, D1 cock
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
