Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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