Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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