I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
