I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
