some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
