If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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