You made me cry and you don't even care
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You can't motorboat a personality
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
