the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so let's talk penis.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
