I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
