You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
