How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
