I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
