I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You may now shotgun with the bride
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
