Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
