Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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