Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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