i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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