he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
third nipple confirmed
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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