I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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