Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
