don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
time to smoke my breakfast
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
