i can't believe i had my finger in that
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
