She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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