In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
