I can text with my tongue
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
