You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
