Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
