Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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