I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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