Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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