wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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