Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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