He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
