We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
