Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
