How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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