I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How does one acquire holy water?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
