I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
