Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
