Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
