it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
