whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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