Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
