Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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