That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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