I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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