ya dads aren't the best wingmen
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
