16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
