please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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