I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
