So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my liver is dry heaving
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
